Snorting Adderall…I don’t recommend it.
That’s what got me in trouble this time. Staying up for days at a time, not taking my risperidal to calm down at night. Self-medicating with weed and herbal incense and klonipin & even buying MORE Adderall then what I’m prescribed.
Oh yeah, and the percosets & Xanax and tequila…
Not a good cocktail of meds & street drugs. I climbed up to the moon but couldn’t come down.
The day I was hospitalized started with a seemingly innocuous phone call to my case manager…I thought my parents had called the police in the early morning because I was slamming doors and yelling (yeah, that’s when it’s starting to get bad…).
Ends up they were “bluffing” but I was so worked up I flipped out on the phone and by noon the ambulance to take me away had shown up and I had no choice but to take the free ride.
Once I got to the hospital I was taken to the ER to be evaluated. Being the master manipulator I am when manic, I thought for sure I could talk my way out of this and be back out to do what I wanted to do.
Just a few minutes of examining me was all the doctor needed to formally commit me to the psych ward for at least 5 days (called a “302 commitment) in PA.
Now, I had been through this before so I knew what was in store. No cigarettes, no caffeine, no more Adderall (thank God) and a single, antiseptic and sterile room to pull myself together for daily group therapies and doctor consultations.
Upon arriving on the 5th floor unit I was belligerent and kept demanding that my “patient rights” were being violated. What about all the people in my life that I had been violating for weeks? I didn’t care at that point.
Realizing after a while (after the heavy sedative and anti-psychotic meds had kicked in) that I was stuck there, I isolated myself in my room and refused to attend any groups.
If you’ve ever been in this situation, this is a recipe for a longer stay. I knew it but my stubbornness and anger got the best of me. I even refused meals and my diet consisted of drinking tap water from the public fountain. Gross.
And taking all those pills on an empty stomach was not (and is never) a good idea. That first day I got no better, and had no idea what was coming down the road.
[To Be Continued...]