Snorting Adderall…I don’t recommend it.
That’s what got me in trouble this time. Staying up for days at a time, not taking my risperidal to calm down at night. Self-medicating with weed and herbal incense and klonipin & even buying MORE Adderall then what I’m prescribed.
Oh yeah, and the percosets & Xanax and tequila…
Not a good cocktail of meds & street drugs. I climbed up to the moon but couldn’t come down.
The day I was hospitalized started with a seemingly innocuous phone call to my case manager…I thought my parents had called the police in the early morning because I was slamming doors and yelling (yeah, that’s when it’s starting to get bad…).
Ends up they were “bluffing” but I was so worked up I flipped out on the phone and by noon the ambulance to take me away had shown up and I had no choice but to take the free ride.
Once I got to the hospital I was taken to the ER to be evaluated. Being the master manipulator I am when manic, I thought for sure I could talk my way out of this and be back out to do what I wanted to do.
No dice.
Just a few minutes of examining me was all the doctor needed to formally commit me to the psych ward for at least 5 days (called a “302 commitment) in PA.
Now, I had been through this before so I knew what was in store. No cigarettes, no caffeine, no more Adderall (thank God) and a single, antiseptic and sterile room to pull myself together for daily group therapies and doctor consultations.
Upon arriving on the 5th floor unit I was belligerent and kept demanding that my “patient rights” were being violated. What about all the people in my life that I had been violating for weeks? I didn’t care at that point.
Realizing after a while (after the heavy sedative and anti-psychotic meds had kicked in) that I was stuck there, I isolated myself in my room and refused to attend any groups.
If you’ve ever been in this situation, this is a recipe for a longer stay. I knew it but my stubbornness and anger got the best of me. I even refused meals and my diet consisted of drinking tap water from the public fountain. Gross.
And taking all those pills on an empty stomach was not (and is never) a good idea. That first day I got no better, and had no idea what was coming down the road.
[To Be Continued...]
We are very excited to announce our brand new Forum here at SadBlogger.com is now up and running for anyone to sign up.
Loading ...
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post, sorry to read about your problems. But I can relate. I was addicted to Adderall for more than 2 years and snorted it on occassion (but it doesn’t last as long, as I guess you know). Being hospitalised sucks eggs.
Hope you are feeling better after all of this ends. What a crazy beginning. I suffer from depression but not mania, so I can’t say I totally relate. But I have been hospitalized for attempted suicide three times. Looking forward to reading more posts.
Hoesty is always the best policy, and remember that those around you who love you are the collateral damage resulting from your actions.
I hope the end of your posting on this crisis results in a better view towards the destructiveness of mental illness.